


The Talk

by fizzfooz



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Fluff, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-06
Updated: 2015-01-06
Packaged: 2018-03-06 09:50:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3130157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fizzfooz/pseuds/fizzfooz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Solas and Varric help Cole with the vagaries of his new, more human body.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Talk

Solas heard a shriek, the sound of dropped dinner plates, a chorus of hearty laughs... He didn't pay it much mind, continuing to read until Cole shuffled into his office, hat pulled down low enough to obscure his entire face. His hands were bunched into fists, every visible patch of his skin bright red. Varric came hurtling in after him.

“Kid!”

Solas slowly lowered his gaze to Cole's mid-section, and then lower. Ah. That was what had caused the shrieking, and ensuing laughter. Varric looked at Solas wildly. One of them was going to have to broach the subject, and Cole was trying to disappear – if it weren't for Varric's interference he would actually be able to. Varric made a gesture behind Cole's back. Apparently, it was to be left to Solas.

“Are you well, Cole?” Solas asked, not sure if acknowledging the problem would cause Cole to bolt.

“It won't listen to me,” Cole said, slightly muffled by his hat. “Make it go away.”

“I... I see.”

Varric turned his laugh into a cough. “All right, kid. It's morning. You know, _morning_.”

“Yes, Varric,” Cole said. “I know it's morning. The sun is up.”

“And you're more human now.”

“And young,” Solas said, although he wasn't so old that this body didn't wake up in this particular state every morning. “Your body acts as any young man's does.”

“A lady screamed at it,” Cole said. “It causes trouble and I don't want to cause trouble.”

Solas tried not to catch Varric's eye. He was coughing in an ever more exaggerated manner. “Cole, if you have any questions, I'm sure Varric would be happy to answer them. He was in favour of making you more human, after all.”

Varric's choking abruptly stopped. Cole turned to him, although his face remained obscured.

“Can you help me, Varric?” Cole said.

“All right, all right,” Varric said. “Can you just...? Can you put that thing away?”

Cole lifted his hat off his head, and held it over his crotch. “It won't go away. I tried threatening it with my daggers but it wasn't afraid.”

“Andraste's ass,” Varric said. “Sit down, kid. Solas and I have some things to tell you.”

Solas offered his chair to Cole. He looked rather like a kitten in the rain, the current state of his body aside. Solas remembered asking Cole whether he'd felt any desire for women since gaining a body of his own, remembered the bewildered, “No.” How to begin... 

Thankfully, Varric had some idea.

“What you have now that's, uh, morning wood.”

“But there are no trees,” Cole said. “It is morning,” he conceded.

“That's not... Uh...”

Solas pinched the bridge of his nose. “Since your change, have you experienced many new sensations, Cole?”

“Yes,” Cole said. “Sometimes I see food and I want to eat it, but I don't need to. And I get annoyed. I want to hit people too. Varric helped me with that. This is new.”

“And does this happen when you look at women?”

Cole looked at Solas, apparently baffled by the question. “No.”

“Men?”

“No. I look at a lot of men and women. This has never happened.”

“What about...?” Solas was grasping at straws now, although he had to admit a certain amount of curiosity. “When you could become invisible, did you happen to observe anyone nude?”

“Yes,” Cole said, but the matter-of-fact tone made it clear he had found nothing titillating about it. “I understand that that was bad, now. It won't happen again.”

“What are you thinking about now, kid?” Varric asked, since Solas' line of questioning was clearly leading nowhere. “Anything? Anyone?”

“I want it to go away. And my stomach hurts.”

“Hurts?” Solas said. “In what way?”

“It's... Full. Like when I drink too much water. It goes away after a while, if I don't think about it.”

Varric and Solas exchanged another look. “Cole,” Solas said, trying to frame the question as delicately as possible. “Does your body need to excrete?”

Cole concentrated for a few moments, perhaps picking up the meaning from Varric's memories, or the few of his own that Solas allowed him to access.

“No,” Cole said. “Or, I didn't. Do I need to do that now?”

“It may take care of your original problem.” 

“You don't need to worry about what you're worried about, Varric,” Cole said. “I can use the privy. I understand now. I won't make a mess.”

“I have every confidence in you, kid,” Varric said. “Just, try more discretion, eh? Keep the hat where it is. I'll come with you, just in case.”

“I'll join you,” Solas said.

They escorted Cole to the privy. Solas was sure Cole could perform such a simple task, but the shock of his body doing something entirely unexpected may still be frightening. He and Varric stood awkwardly, waiting for Cole to finish. When he did, Solas was pleased to see that Cole had returned his hat to his head and nothing about him was likely to make any ladies scream. Varric directed him to wash and dry his hands.

“All better?” he asked.

“Yes, Varric,” Cole said. “But why did it happen?”

Solas pondered how to begin. Cole couldn't be entirely ignorant of such things. He'd walked among humans for a long time. But the actual mechanics, and the whys and wherefores, were likely a mystery. This would be unnecessary if Cole was more spirit-like – Solas paused in his thoughts to narrow his eyes at Varric – but since he wasn't, he needed to be taught more about the human body.

Varric and Solas took Cole back to his office. They had a lengthy talk about men's and women's bodies and how they sometimes fitted together, Varric and Solas fielding every 'why?', 'what for?', and 'I don't understand.' Finally, Cole accepted what they were trying to teach him. Although, Varric did add that Cole should ask Dorian about it since Dorian was so happy to answer his questions. Cole left, possibly to do just that.

“Do you have children of your own, Varric?” Solas asked.

Varric snorted, as if that question had come entirely out of the blue. “You talking to me, Chuckles?”

“It was a genuine question.”

“Feels like it sometimes, but no.” Some old pain creased Varric's brow for a moment. “For kids, you need someone to have them with.”

“There is still time,” Solas said.

“Not if Corypheus has his way.”

“Corypheus is a greedy child, playing with power he should never have possessed. When we stop him, you'll be free to do as you wish. And I hope that wish involves children, eventually. It would be a shame to waste such talent.”

Varric grinned. “I've got enough people to worry about just now,” he said. “But if I do, I'll be sure to tell them the story of the sleepy bald elf who helped us save the world.”

**End.**


End file.
